After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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