If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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