Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
