i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
