Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
