yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
