she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
