U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
