Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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