70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
