Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
