her vagine was all disorganized.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
