you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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