i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
