He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
