i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
