YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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