Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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