i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
