Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
