An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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