At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
there was a trapeze. enough said
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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