After last night, I could never be a politician.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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