I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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