Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
