you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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