she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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