Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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