Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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