I could make wine with my vomit
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Girls should come with a carfax report
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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