Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
