billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
