I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
