I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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