Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
