sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it was like eating out sand paper
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
