I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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