I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
