I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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