so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
