he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
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Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
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You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize