Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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