No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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