yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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