Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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