We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
third nipple confirmed
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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