Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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