i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
