I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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