the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize