matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
