Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
