Will you blow on my dice?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
