I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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