I think i sorta joined a cult last night
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
