you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
