Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
