Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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