Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
