My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
