i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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