at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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