We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
