It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
