I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
