just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
