its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
