Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
