Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
