i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize